Stop Pretending Everything Is Fine
What happens when Christian men finally tell the truth?
I was living a lie.
I was in a relationship that I knew was wrong—not because I was a Christian then, but because deep down, every man knows when he's compromising his integrity. I was also carrying bottled anger and wrestling with depression that was poisoning everything I touched.
Maybe you struggle with this too? Maybe you feel empty and numb despite outward success. Maybe you snap at your wife and kids (or friends) over small things. Maybe your rage or sadness feels completely disproportionate to whatever triggered it, like current events.
Maybe you're just going through the motions of life, feeling like you're slowly dying inside.
Then I joined a men's group. Not a Bible study. Not therapy. Just men committed to telling each other the truth about their lives.
Within months, that relationship was over and I was learning to process my inner emotions in healthy ways. Not because someone preached at me, but because something powerful happens when you're accountable to other men who know your real story.
I couldn't keep bringing the same destructive patterns back to the group week after week. The truth demanded action.
That brotherhood changed everything for me. And now I want to help create that same growth for you.
You Don't Have to Fight Alone
If you're reading this, chances are you know exactly what I'm talking about.
You're isolated. You're surrounded by people at church, at work, in your family—but you feel completely alone with these dark struggles.
You lack accountability. You know you shouldn't explode at your family, you know the numbness isn't normal, but without brothers who know your real story, it's easy to justify, rationalize, or simply give up trying to change.
You think you should handle this alone. You think admitting you struggle with depression and anger makes you weak. You think if you were a "real Christian," you'd have this figured out by now.
Here's what I've learned: Depression is often anger turned inward. And both flourish in isolation.
The only thing that breaks through is radical honesty with other men who understand the darkness.
Not surface-level conversation. Not "How's it going?" followed by "Fine, how about you?"
Real honesty. The kind that makes you sweat a little when you say it out loud.
Why Church Groups Aren't Enough (And Why That's Not Your Fault)
Look, I love the church. But let's be honest about something: it's hard to be completely open with men who are connected to every other area of your life.
When the guys in your small group also know your wife, your kids, your boss, your reputation in the community—there are things you just won't say. You can't risk it.
That's not weakness. That's wisdom.
But it's also what keeps you stuck.
The men's group that changed my life worked because we weren't part of each other's offline lives. When we went home, we weren't connected socially or through mutual friends. In addition to our pledges of confidentiality, there was literally no one for us to tell anything to anyway.
That security created something I'd never experienced: a place where I could tell the complete truth about my life without fear of social consequences.
One of the men from my previous group, Chris Y., put it this way: "It was a great experience. The idea was to have input from people who were far enough away from problems in order to get a clear idea of how to move forward. This was the greatest advantage of the biweekly calls. I would highly recommend."
And that's exactly what this group offers you.
How This Works (And Why It's Different)
This isn't a Bible study. We're not going through a curriculum or a book study. The Bible is our standard—the sufficient, clear, and wise Word of God—but we're not doing exegesis together.
This isn't therapy. I'm not trying to fix you or analyze your childhood. This is about men helping men move forward in alignment with God's design.
This isn't a political or theological debate club. We share a common faith, and we're here to support each other, not argue about secondary issues.
Here's what it is: A group of up to 10 Christian men meeting twice a month on Zoom, facilitated by someone who's been where you are and knows how to guide these conversations toward real sanctification.
What Actually Happens in the Group
Each session runs 90-120 minutes on Tuesday evenings (6:30-8:30 PM PST).
I open with a brief prayer, then the floor is yours. This is driven by what's happening in your lives—your struggles, your questions, your decisions, your victories and failures.
I'm listening for what's behind your words, not just what you're saying. If I sense something being left unsaid or unexplored, I'll ask the questions that need asking. I won't let things stay on the surface.
We cover whatever you need to cover: depression and anger, accountability for specific struggles, destructive patterns in relationships, major life decisions, grief, shame—whatever is real in your life right now.
The power isn't in my facilitation. The power is in having 9 other men who know your real story—including your struggles with depression and anger—and are committed to your sanctification.
What Actually Changes
I facilitated a previous group of men like this for 18 months, plus I’ve mentored dozens of men personally! Here's what I consistently see:
Career breakthroughs — Men who've been stuck in jobs they hate finally get the clarity and courage to make intelligent moves.
Relationship growth — Better marriages, wiser dating decisions, the end of unhealthy relationships that should have ended long ago.
Physical changes — Weight loss, better health habits, increased energy—because when your inner life is aligned, everything else follows.
Spiritual confidence — Men who were afraid to ask hard questions about their faith become secure in their beliefs and able to lead their families spiritually.
Community and backing — The isolation ends. You know there are men out there who have your back, who know your story, who are genuinely invested in your success.
But here's the key: This doesn't happen overnight.
The real value comes weeks or months in, as a group of men gets to know what you're really going through and can give you honest, God-honoring feedback based on relationship, not just good intentions.
"Iron Sharpens Iron"—But Only Through Contact
"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed." - James 5:16
God designed men to work together, to challenge each other, to bear each other's burdens. But that only works through real contact—the kind that creates sparks, that produces heat, that actually changes the shape of who you are.
Surface-level fellowship doesn't sharpen anyone. It just creates the illusion of community while leaving everyone just as dull as before.
This group exists to create real contact.
What I'm Looking For (This Isn't for Everyone)
I'm looking for men who are:
Articulate and focused. You can express yourself clearly and listen well to others.
Committed to the work. You're not looking for a social club or a place to vent without change.
Willing to be challenged. You want accountability, even when it's uncomfortable.
Able to handle confidentiality. What's shared in the group stays in the group. Period.
Ready for a 3-month commitment. Real change takes time. Surface-level participation doesn't work.
We meet twice a month on Tuesday evenings. If you miss a session, there won't be another one for two weeks. Don't miss it.
This is $90/month. Not because I need to get rich, but because men value what they pay for. Free groups die. Paid groups thrive.
The Truth About Fear (And Why It's Worth It)
Let me be direct: You're carrying shame about your depression and anger.
You think you should be able to handle this on your own. You think admitting you struggle makes you weak. You think other men don't deal with this. You think if you were a "real Christian," you'd have this figured out by now.
I get it. I felt the same way.
But here's what I learned: The thing you're most ashamed of is exactly what needs to be said out loud.
And when you finally say it—when you finally tell the truth about your depression and anger to a group of men committed to your growth—something breaks open that can't be broken any other way.
The shame is real. But it's also what's keeping you trapped.
No matter what you think, these struggles can't be managed alone.
Your Next Step
This group starts soon, and I'm only taking 10 men.
If you're ready to stop fighting alone, if you're tired of being stuck, if you want the kind of brotherhood that actually changes lives—email me at info@willspencer.co
I'll set up a brief screening conversation to make sure this is a good fit for both of us.
This isn't about perfection. It's about direction.
And the right group of men can help you find that direction faster than you ever thought possible.
The question isn't whether you need this.
The question is whether you're ready for it.
Ready to join a brotherhood that changes everything?
Email me at info@willspencer.co to start the conversation.
If this resonated with you, share it with another man who might need to read it. Sometimes the invitation to join a group like this is exactly what someone has been waiting for.
Comments are open below—I'd love to hear your thoughts on men's fellowship, accountability, and what real brotherhood looks like in practice.