Stop Blaming Women and Start Building
What Adam Coleman Taught Me About Real Masculine Leadership
My friend Adam Coleman returned to the podcast this week. We spent over an hour talking about marriage, fatherhood, and what it actually means to be a man in 2025.
Not the red pill version of masculinity and not the “alpha male” grift. I mean the real thing.
I’ll give you an example: Adam told a story about how his wife believed in him even when he didn’t believe in himself.
That’s true biblical masculinity. It’s not a performance, and it’s not posturing. It includes willingness to take risks, to feel doubt, then to fail, get back up, and keep leading anyway.
Because someone is counting on you.
The Father Hunger Crisis
Adam confirmed something that I’ve seen: it turns out that in our fatherless era, boys are still good at finding dads. But when they don’t get their fathering at home, they’ll find it somewhere else.
And that “somewhere else” might not be good.
This is why young men latch onto Andrew Tate, Nick Fuentes, Myron Gaines, and other red pill gurus who tell them that being a man means rejecting marriage, rejecting fatherhood, rejecting any responsibility to the future.
These young men found their “dads” alright. Those dads are teaching them to be perpetual adolescents.
It’s not hard to understand why. Many men have had narcissistic mothers in their lives. In adulthood, they’ve been through the online dating meat grinder. They’re rejected, used, and exhausted. Then someone comes along with a victim ideology and says, “Don’t worry, bro. It’s not your fault—it’s THEIR fault!” It’s a seductive message.
Check out a clip:
The Victim Trap
But Adam pointed out something we all know: “Victim ideology takes a weak person and says no, you don’t have to get stronger. It’s their fault. You make it an external issue, and that tells you that you don’t have to do anything. But it also renders you helpless because you’re waiting for some arbitrary external changes so that you can be happy.”
The red pill tells you you’re taking control by “seeing the truth” about women. But you’re actually giving up all your power by making your happiness dependent on external factors you can’t control.
You’re waiting for women to change, for society to change, for the world to become “fair” before you can be happy.
That’s not masculinity. That’s nihilism with a masculine aesthetic.
Adam grew up fatherless in Detroit. If anyone has an excuse for victim mentality, it’s him. But Adam rejected it. He built a marriage and became a father. He went from an unknown writer to contributing to Fox News, major conferences, and writing books that are impacting people and changing lives.
How? He stopped waiting for the world to be fair and started building anyway.
Brother, It’s Time to Start Building
Are you ready to break free from victimhood?
Are you ready to take accountability for your life?
Are you ready to stop doing things the red pill way, and try God’s way?
In 90 days, my Biblical Mentorship for Men can help you find freedom in Jesus Christ.
Together, we’ll help you find the confidence, clarity, and consistency you need to step into God’s promises for you as a man.
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What Real Support Looks Like
That’s when Adam talked about his wife supporting him through his failures and self-doubt. She didn’t just say, “I support you, honey!” when things were going well.
She actually maintained that support when he screwed up, when things didn’t work out, and when she was afraid.
In the red pill world, that kind of love and commitment is impossible! They can’t imagine that a woman would truly be devoted to her man through ups and downs, “in sickness and in health.”
That’s another reason the red pill keeps men trapped by the lies it tells about women. There are women out there who trust their man’s leadership through the valleys, not just the peaks.
But the catch is that you can’t demand that kind of trust. You have to earn it. You earn it by demonstrating your word matters. You say you’ll do something, then you do it. Even when it’s hard, even when you don’t feel like it, even when you’re scared.
The word for that is “integrity.”
I illustrated this with a point about premarital chastity. If you tell a woman, “We’re not going to be physically intimate until our wedding day,” and then you actually follow through on that, you’ve just demonstrated leadership in the hardest way possible.
You resisted temptation. You kept your word. You led!
That builds trust that no amount of smooth talking can replicate.
Show, Don’t Tell
Adam addressed an important caveat to all this. He explained that you can’t just shout, “Get married and have kids!” at depressed men playing video games in their parents’ basement. That’s like telling someone who’s never climbed before to just go climb a mountain. It doesn’t resonate.
What resonates is small steps. Take a shower every day. Then add something else. Build incrementally. But most importantly, you have to show men what marriage and fatherhood actually look like by living it yourself.
That’s why Adam’s story about his wife should give men hope. Not because Adam’s preaching about something, but because he’s living it. He even brings his wife to events. He shows what a friendship-based marriage looks like.
He’s right that you can’t preach your way into changing culture. You have to live it so compellingly that other men want what you have.
The Online Dating Disaster
Then Adam and I went deep on why online dating is destroying both men and women. The format itself is broken. You’re dating strangers with zero social proofing. Women get overwhelmed with options and reject 99% of men. Men get desperate and swipe right on everyone.
Both genders end up exhausted, nihilistic, and resentful.
Here’s what we think works instead: meet people through genuine social connections. Church. Conferences. Friend groups. Places where you share values and there’s social proof. Build friendship first.
Stop trying to assess romantic compatibility with strangers through a screen!
Adam married his wife because he knew her brother. That connection mattered. Then they built friendship through hours of phone conversations about anything and everything. They established a genuine connection.
Our society has forgotten that’s how couples build something that lasts.
The Father Wound in Women
There’s another side to this: many women who struggle to trust their husband’s leadership do so because they never saw a strong father. They grew up in homes where no man was in charge, or where their father was weak and passive.
So when their husband wants to take risks, make decisions, lead the family somewhere uncertain, she can’t do it. Not because she’s a bad person, but because she’s never seen what male leadership actually looks like when it’s done well.
This is why the fatherhood crisis affects everyone. Fatherless boys become men who can’t lead. Fatherless girls become women who can’t trust male leadership. And the cycle perpetuates.
We have to break it. And that means men stepping up even when it’s hard, even when we don’t have perfect examples, even when we’re scared we’ll screw it up.
Risk, Failure, and Getting Back Up
Adam’s testimony is powerful because his wife supported him through the risks and the failures. She believed he could go full-time with his writing and speaking before he believed it himself. She stayed in his corner when things didn’t work out the way they planned.
But here’s what’s crucial: Adam took the risks. He put himself out there. He was willing to fail publicly, to be criticized, to face rejection. That’s what leaders do.
You can’t lead from a place of safety. You can’t build anything meaningful without risking failure.
And you can’t expect a woman to respect a man who refuses to take any risks because he’s terrified of failing.
Biblical masculinity means taking responsibility for outcomes - both the wins and the losses. It means your wife can rest because you’re carrying the weight. It means your kids see what it looks like when a man loves his family enough to risk everything for their future.
Building the Future
Finally, we talked about Moms for Liberty and how they finally had their first fathers panel.
Think about that: a major political movement focused on protecting children only recently thought to include fathers in the conversation.
That’s where we are. We’ve so thoroughly removed men from the equation that even a movement about protecting kids forgot dads matter!
But here’s the good news: men are waking up. The guys who graduated from Jordan Peterson in 2019 and got red-pilled by Andrew Tate in 2023, some of them are ready for the next step. They’re ready to hear that rejecting marriage and fatherhood isn’t sophisticated nihilism, it’s just another form of giving up.
They’re ready to see what it actually looks like when a man builds something real. When he leads his family. When he takes risks and his wife trusts him through it. When he becomes the father he never had.
That’s the message Adam brought to Moms for Liberty. That’s the message we need to keep spreading. Not through slogans or preaching, but by living it so compellingly that other men say “I want that. How do I get there?”
And then you make yourself available. You answer the questions. You share the failures and the victories. You show them the path.
Because boys are hungry for dads. And men are hungry for examples of what masculinity actually looks like when it’s lived with courage, humility, and love.
Adam Coleman is living that example. And the ripple effects are going to last for generations.
Check out the full interview on YouTube here:
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