God Knows Her Name
Pastor Douglas Wilson on Young Men, Marriage, and Escaping the Trap
I sat down with Doug Wilson this week during No Quarter November, and as usual, he said something that’s been rattling around in my head ever since.
We were talking about young men who feel stuck. They’re caught between evangelical feminization on one side and bitter resentment on the other. These are guys who’ve been told to “be nice, go along, keep mom happy” by big-box churches, but they’ve also watched that model create the very weakness it claims to prevent.
Pastor Wilson didn’t pull punches about that. He acknowledged the substance of the charge that mainstream evangelicalism really does operate like a longhouse. That’s real. The problem is legitimate.
But then he made an observation I wasn’t expecting.
The Other Ditch
“The young men who kick over their chair and storm away from the dinner table and slam the door on the way out,” Wilson said, “Other people say okay, I can see what set him off. But that’s not appealing either. That’s not the way.”
This might come as a shock to some men, but he’s right. Storming away in bitterness and resentment doesn’t make you more marriageable. People might understand what triggered you, but that seething anger isn’t attractive. It’s the equal-and-opposite error to evangelical niceness, and it’s just as destructive.
So what’s the way forward if both paths lead to a ditch?
A Counter-Narrative That Changes Everything
Pastor Wilson shared something from his decades as a pastor that most young men need to hear, and which I can validate too: “The ratio of godly women who want to be married is far in excess of the young men who want to be married.”
Read that again.
While you’re scrolling through manosphere content about hypergamy and impossible standards, godly women are praying for husbands who will actually lead them. The math works in your favor, but only if you reject both lies keeping you stuck.
His advice to young men who feel trapped: “God is in his heaven. It only takes one. There are lots of girls in the world, but you only need one. And God knows her name.”
Here’s a clip:
Start Praying for Your Bride
Wilson told me he counsels young men to start praying for their future bride every day. Not “maybe someday if I’m lucky” prayers, but confident prayers trusting that God knows her name.
“But I don’t know if I’ll ever have a bride,” some guys protest.
“No,” Wilson responds. “You start praying for your bride!” (If you ask me, it sounds like he’s said those words to men before, btw.)
This isn’t prosperity gospel. As he remarks in particularly Wilsonian fashion, “Girls don’t come in vending machines.” But the hopelessness many young men feel? That’s artificial. That’s the enemy’s voice, not God’s.
The trap isn’t real. You’ve been lied to by people who don’t respect you. But that’s OK, you don’t want to marry them anyway.
The Path Forward
Stand up straight. Trust God. Learn what biblical masculinity actually looks like. Take initiative. Take risks.
This is the narrow path between evangelical feminization and blackpill despair. It requires rejecting both while building something better.
Now here’s the good news…
Over my years of working with men, I’ve seen this transformation happen again and again. Not through worldly red pill anger or psychological band-aids, but through biblical foundations that address body, mind, heart, and spirit together.
Men like my previous client Chris, who lost 30 pounds, rebuilt his marriage, and learned to set boundaries. Or Ben, who went from being hurt by his past and scared of his future to stepping into his life free of chains. Pierre made strategic moves and landed a job with a substantial pay increase.
These transformations didn’t happen by accident. They happened because these men were willing to do the hard work of becoming who God called them to be, with biblical guidance and consistent support.
That’s what my Biblical Mentorship program is designed to do.
In 90 days, we work on body, mind, heart, and spirit—confronting mistaken beliefs, sins, and real-world struggles together. You get 24/7 support (except Sundays), a custom game plan built around YOUR life, and access to a curated men’s group where iron sharpens iron.
No red pill rage. No psychological nonsense. Just biblical foundations and practical steps toward the life God created you for.
Book a free 30-minute explore call with me at willspencer.co/mentorship - I’ll help you understand where you are, where you’re heading, and how fast you’re heading there—even if we’re not a fit to work together. You’ll walk away with clarity either way.
Freedom in Christ isn’t just possible, it’s promised. The question is whether you’re ready to stop feeling trapped and start moving toward it.
It Only Takes One
The full conversation with Doug Wilson covers much more ground: from his whirlwind media tour (Der Spiegel cover, anyone?) to building multi-generational faithfulness, to his Saturday night Sabbath meals with 50+ family members!
But this message about marriage and young men keeps coming back to me. Because I know many of you reading this feel trapped. You’ve been told you’re hopeless, useless, unlovable. You’ve been fed both evangelical weakness and manosphere bitterness, and neither satisfies.
The truth is simpler and more hopeful: God is in His heaven. You only need one. And He knows her name.
The question is: are you becoming the man worthy of her?
Watch the full episode: