Don't Punch the Tar Man

A Primer On How To Respond to Today's Wolves Amongst the Flock

Here’s what I can’t figure out. Maybe you can’t either.

Why do these guys keep getting stronger?

You know who I mean. I’m talking about the influential Christian men sliding into open hatred. Whether it’s against other ethnicities, against women, or against anyone outside their in-group. These men are advocating for moral outrages in Christ’s name. Sometimes they do it by suggestion, but increasingly they’re talking in plain language.

Conventional thinking says that more exposure for their bad ideas—and worse attitudes—would hurt them. You’d think admonition, warnings, and scorn from accomplished men would slow them down. But every time someone lands what appears to be a clean hit, they come back bigger, more viral, more influential, and even more brazen.

The Internet typically calls this The Streisand Effect, named after the singer/actress Barbara Streisand who in 2005 tried to have photos of her house suppressed on the Internet. Naturally, the publicity brought far more exposure (har har) to the photos than they would have had otherwise. The final irony is that not only did the photos gain worldwide notoriety, but the incident was immortalized as an Internet punchline.

As familiar as The Streisand Effect is, however, I don’t think it captures the gravity of what’s happening today in ostensibly Christian circles. We’re not trying to suppress ideas, we’re trying to stop men. But it seems no matter how hard we try, our efforts fail.

For a long time, I’ve had an image in my mind that helps me understand what’s actually happening and know how to respond.

I call him “The Tar Man.”

One Rule for the Tar Man

The name is fairly intuitive: he’s a man made out of tar. And what do we know about tar?

First of all, tar is sticky. Once you make contact with it, it’s difficult to remove yourself from it, and it from you.

Now imagine a man made of that stuff. What’s the one thing you don’t want to do? Touch him.

Which is why the Tar Man has one simple rule: Don’t punch the Tar Man. Because punching the Tar Man has two effects.

First, you get dirty. Really dirty.

Second, you get stuck to him. Indeed, the more you struggle to extract yourself, to land another hit, or to try and make any impact at all... the worse it gets.

These men who I’m talking about, the ones who keep getting stronger? Each one of them is a Tar Man. Unless you learn to respond to them the correct way, you’ll only make things worse.

What does punching a Tar Man actually look like? Here are some examples:

Quote-tweeting with outrage - As satisfying as can be, the algorithm doesn’t know the difference between a view and a hate-view of a tweet. Your QT just makes the original post’s numbers bigger.

Long public refutations - Most people ain’t gonna read all that, as the saying goes. Besides, if clear and rational argumentation worked, it would have done so by now.

Reply wars - The Tar Man likely won’t reply to you. But his Twitter Motorcycle Gang will. Be prepared for a hate-storm of massive proportions. They have all day to pour vitriol on you. Do you have all day to push back against it?

Debate challenges - A Tar Man won’t agree to a moderated debate. It serves him nothing to invest the time when tweets and videos on his own platform are more effective. (NOTE: A Tar Man did do a debate once, and it was a disaster for him. So again, I doubt others will follow.)

Callouts by name - This is a tough one, I know. “Subtweeting” isn’t cool. And at some point, yes, we need to be clear who we’re talking about. But when you tag a Tar Man in a post, you invite him and his audience into your online space for a day or more. Again, do you have time for that?

Each one of these tactics fails for various reasons. The thing they have in common is that you have “punched” the Tar Man, which means you’ve amplified him, gotten stuck in his and his audience’s sphere of influence, and magnified the conflict.

Ultimately, the conflict is all anyone will remember, too. They won’t parse out winners versus losers. No one will recall that great point that you raised, buried in paragraph 12 of your essay. You’ll get called “gay” and “embarrassing” and “cuck” more times than you’d like, and maybe even find outdated posts of yours brought out of the depths of X and thrown in your face with charges of hypocrisy. “This you, bro?”

Meanwhile you’re stuck to the Tar Man as he keeps marching forward, getting stronger on the back of bigger numbers, leading to more outrageous takes.

You’ve then boosted his signal at the expense of yours. And here’s the worst part: the more ineffective punches you throw, the more you get remembered as “the guy who’s always fighting so-and-so.”

The instinct makes sense: “If I just land one clean strike, I can take him down.” But striking is itself the problem. The more you struggle, the less impact you make on his audience. And the more of yours you expose to his ideas.

Light, Not Fists

The answer isn’t a punch. It’s a different posture entirely.

Instead of throwing blows you stand back. And you shine light.

Think of a magnifying glass held in front of the sun. It makes a focused beam of light and heat. Take that beam and point it at the Tar Man, and you can burn a hole right through him. Maybe you can even set him on fire.

Focusing light keeps you at a distance, examining the phenomenon for what it is without letting it touch you personally. It also keeps you focused (har har) on something other than the darkness. Your interest isn’t the Tar Man per se, rather on focusing eternal light.

What does this look like in practice?

First, it means precision. A focused beam of light only touches one spot, but brings full intensity. To accomplish that in your own responses to the Tar Man requires careful thought. You have to ask yourself, “What are the premises being stated here? How can I get under the foundations of them, find the lies buried beneath, and bring God’s Word to bear?”

This involves much more than a hot take. It involves clear reasoning, insight, and especially being concise. Again, no one will read an essay written at a college-age reading level. But if you can condense your point down and simplify it enough for a 5th grader to get it, you’re making progress.

Second, remember you’re standing back. You don’t have to name him, or tag him, or enter his space. The point is not to tell the truth to his audience, but highlight the lie for your own.

In other words, serve your own people. Equip your audience with knowledge and wisdom they can use online and in their everyday lives. That way, even if you don’t reach those around him who won’t listen, you can bless those around you who will.

Third and finally, precision and distance require the use of discernment. You have to know what target to aim at, then get yourself into position, aim, and take your shot. All that takes time, which means you can’t fire at everything.

Proverbs 26:4-5 reads:

“Do not answer a fool according to his folly,
Lest you also be like him.
Answer a fool according to his folly,
Lest he be wise in his own eyes.”

This isn’t as much of a riddle as people sometimes make it out to be. It’s simply stating that there are times when it’s wise to respond to a fool, and times when it’s not wise to do so. The trick is knowing which is which.

But if you:

1. Properly value precision and distance

2. Invest time in being concise, and..

3. Keep the needs of your audience in mind over the needs of the moment

... the targets on the Tar Man where you can make the greatest impact will become clear.

Focused Light in Practice

Let me show you what this looks like in practice with something I’ve actually seen a Tar Man say. Keeping with my advice, I won’t name him. But he has more than 30,000 followers on X, and is a well-known figure in all these circles. He said:

“It doesn’t particularly bother me that young Christian men today are fans of Hitler.”

Insane, right? What would be your first reply?

Would it be, “How can you say that? Hitler was the most evil man who ever lived... and you’re an idiot!” Or would it be, “I think we should have a moderated debate over Hitler’s beliefs.” Perhaps instead you’d write a long essay explaining why those young men are sinful in their enthusiasm for such a historical figure?

I sympathize with the instinct to try these tactics. But they would all be punching the Tar Man. He knows everyone thinks Hitler is evil, and he doesn’t care. Neither do the young men he’s talking about. He won’t agree to a moderated debate, because there’s no advantage for him to do so. And neither the Tar Man nor his followers are interested in what they’d perceive as another moralizing lecture, no matter how scripturally or historically-accurate it may be.

Each of these approaches—and many others—will only result in your angst and lost time, and their opportunities to ridicule you. Believe me, I know this firsthand.

So, what would shining focused light at a distance look like?

First ask: What is the Tar Man really saying? That it doesn’t concern him that young men have chosen as their hero one of history’s great irredeemable villains.

But men don’t choose heroes at random. We choose heroes that reflect key aspects of ourselves. Hence the debates between Batman vs. Superman vs. Iron Man vs. Spider Man... or if you prefer, William Wallace vs. Maximus vs. Aragorn vs. Luke Skywalker. Each of these heroes embodies different characteristics that speak to different kinds of men.

What does it say about a man who chooses Hitler as his hero? Hitler’s was a spirit of vengeance, of ethnic entitlement, and of empire-building through first-strike warfare. He used hard political power in pursuit of socio-cultural and economic goals, and wielded murderous fanaticism as his chosen weapon. He was diabolical in the pursuit of his aims, animating a nation with the force of his single-minded charisma. He was the architect of the destruction of the Continent as a result.

That, I think, is a fair portrayal of Adolf Hitler. That is the man who young Christian men have chosen as their hero. And the Tar Man, an acknowledged leader of those men, has no problem with it by his own admission.

What does that say about the Tar Man? First, that he has abandoned the spirit of righteous Christian leadership. In other words, he’s not shepherding the flock.

Before you go running for the relevant verses, let’s examine what’s happening. If a man looks at Adolf Hitler and Jesus Christ and sees little difference between them, he has lost touch with reality. But Tar Men are too savvy for that. They aren’t madmen or lunatics.

That’s why instead of shepherding—or even feeding on the flock—Tar Men are allowing the sheep to become wolves.

What would a man have to gain by cultivating a pack of wolves? He gets to lead the pack.

I believe that is the nature of a Tar Man: he is a target that righteous men strike, get stuck to, get dirtied by, and then are fed upon by wolves until they retreat from demoralization.

You may have seen this dynamic play out before. It may even be why you’re reading this right now.

Recall that focusing light properly involves precision, being concise, and valuing your audience over the Tar Man’s.

With those guardrails in mind, what would you do with the statement, “It doesn’t particularly bother me that young Christian men today are fans of Hitler.”

Like most sentences, this one pivots on its verb: “bother.” Thinking with precision in a concise way, we can witness the contradiction between the Tar Man claiming to be a Christian, while being unconcerned that men have chosen an anti-Christ figure to see themselves reflected in.

That hypocrisy is the spot to focus light on. As Christ said on that subject:

“Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.” - Luke 12:1

Which the apostle Paul references later:

“A little leaven leavens the whole lump.” - Galatians 5:9

Here we see how small amounts of moral corruption can spread outwards into the body of believers. The author of Hebrews confirms this:

“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” - Hebrews 12:15

This passage calls back to Moses’ warning to the Israelites in Deuteronomy:

“Beware lest there be among you a man or woman or clan or tribe whose heart is turning away today from the Lord our God to go and serve the gods of those nations. Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit, one who, when he hears the words of this sworn covenant, blesses himself in his heart, saying, ‘I shall be safe, though I walk in the stubbornness of my heart.’ This will lead to the sweeping away of moist and dry alike.” - Deuteronomy 29:18-19

A clan of men walking in stubbornness of heart, worshipping false gods, bearing bitter fruit, and believing they are safe while defiling many, and putting all at risk. These are the Tar Men.

So what’s the response? To instruct my people to be not that and to remember the Deuteronomic blessings offered by Moses just one chapter earlier:

“And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field.” - Deuteronomy 28:1-3

Once again, note the verb: obey. We must rip out the bitter roots that have defiled God’s people since the wilderness, including the ones in ourselves.

We must trust God’s promises He makes to us and obey.

As for Me and My House

I know this isn’t easy. The urge to fight the Tar Man is strong, because we’re dealing with righteous anger at real evil. But wisdom doesn’t come from reacting in the moment.

In that, I have good news and I have bad news.

First the bad news: the wolves aren’t going away. They may even multiply. Short of God’s intervention, we may be witnessing a great apostasy of the sort documented throughout Scripture, A modern wave of faithlessness, one of many that periodically wash over God’s people.

If that is God’s will and judgment, it will be just. And it will be beyond our power to stop.

Now the good news: this opportunity gives you and me the chance to be better shepherds, to feed our flocks—even if that flock is only our family or ourselves. In these dark days, full of men with darkening hearts, we get to choose who we will serve.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

And we’ll do it by shining light.

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